July 15, 2005

perhaps the most newsbreaking entry i've ever written.

geezes. it's 1:11 again. SHOCKER.

well. i have large-ass news.

this saturday (or at least that's the plan) K and i are driving back to texas.

(insert stunned silence here.)

yeah. well...i don't know how temporary/permanent this will be, but we ARE taking all our shit except for furniture (which we don't really have much of anyway).

as many of you know, i've been a little teeter-tottery over this possible decision for a while now, and when the wrench was thrown in (in this case the fact that K's grandmother, and in turn my surrogate grandma, is going to pass away very soon), i felt like i knew i had to go.

so anyway. my plans are in hyper-hiatus, as far as should i go for the grad school route or just work full-time and exist or what? i have no effing clue, people. WHAT ELSE IS NEW? not much.

well, i just wanted to spill the beans here. i've informed my parents of the possible temporary-ness to this, so if i leave down the road, they can't blame me for not warning them. right? even if i never come back to NYC, i HAVE to go to europe for a little while. i'd like to go for 6 months to a year. one day. we'll see.

if nothing else, i'll be glad to spend time with my dad (my mom too, obviously, but you know, my dad's not getting any younger) and my nieces and nephews. i like my family; they're good people. =) and possibly the biggest bonus of all: our apartment is going to be a palace compared to this shithole basement i've been living in for the last 9 months. and my rent will be like $500 cheaper a month! so that will make me happy.

wish me luck figuring out what the hell to do once i get there, finding some sort of job, etc. this is all very sudden (as you can see). scary. today on the way to work the train was crossing the williamsburg bridge into manhattan, and i was looking out the window at the view, and i started to cry. luckily, i kept the tears in check, though, considering i was in public. on the J train. not so much. lol. but yeah, it's of course very sad to be leaving NY. the last 3 years here have been some of the best and worst of my life, and no one (other than K) will ever be able to know what it has meant to me and to who i am, who i've become.

ah well, enough sap for now.

more later.

sigh.

blueavenue at 1:11 a.m.

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