February 24, 2006

if you don't read Harry Potter, this won't be funny.

i saw this on myspace. myspace is really annoying, yet i am on it, and i get messages moderately frequently. oh well. it's a way to say hi to people i haven't seen in years. so anyway, some of these are pretty funny:

50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".
4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".
9. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
12. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.
14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
15. Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binns' roster is not funny.
16. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".
18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".
20. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror."
21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "Once you go Black, you never go back."
22. I will not call Lucius Malfoy "Jareth".
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium".
25. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.
26. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.
27. I am not a tribble Animagus.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. Sirius Black is not ..24601.
32. I will not lick Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. I am not being repressed.
35. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is just plain gross.
36. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.
39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.
42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say "NI".
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"
49. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

so yeah. i'm at work. it's friday. one of my co-workers is out today, so i'll try to do some of her filing and try to catch up on a project i'm behind on. (i'm still doing reports from September, yes i am, i am THAT good.) work is FUN, F-U-N, fun. ahem.

last night i watched figure skating and part of the mavericks game. my boyfriend doesn't care for figure skating, really. i actually am starting to like watching basketball and actually got a little into last night's game because it was close. WEIRD.

i'm thinking of taking tennis lessons. or golf. really i just want to hit golf balls. driving range. i think that would be fun (if i could actually hit the ball, hard to say). reminds me of happy gilmore. heh. great movie.

my sister turned 35 on wednesday, and i will turn 25 in a few weeks. whoo!

i'm about to eat some goldfish COLORS. the colored ones are kind of freaky.

i need to call the optician guy to see when i can pick up my glasses. i've known the guy forever. his name is martin. his last name is thomas, and it is confusing to have 2 first names for your name. did that make sense? so that sometimes i can't remember which is his first name and which is his last.

it's not as yucky outside today. maybe this weekend will be nice? we're going to a concert tomorrow night, should be cool.

yesterday i mailed a package to mexico. it was fun. not really. customs is not fun. neither is the post office.

i keep thinking about really wanting to take a 4 day weekend and go to a beach somewhere, but i don't know that i can afford it. damn. where could i go?

question: if you could go anywhere for a 4-day weekend in june, where would you go?

next question: if you could go somewhere for a 4-day weekend on a budget, where would you go?

last question: who's your daddy?

have a maaaaahvelous friday.


blueavenue at 8:23 a.m.

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