August 06, 2005

misanthropic and stuff.

i feel like i should write something, but all i can think to write is negative. really, really awful and negative. because that is how i feel right now. pissy. and bitchy. and angry and disappointed and sad and other negative feelings one has.

it's 1:43 am. my dad, 2 brothers, and some guy i've met a number of times but can never remember his name, are playing poker at the kitchen table. they must think i'm a horrible person as i have been about as anti-social as one can get since the moment i walked through the door. in fact, i didn't even say hello. i sort of waved when my second brother arrived. and i did ask one general question to the whole bunch of them: "have you seen the cat?" (i had to ask twice because they didn't notice me.)

yesterday. we finally moved into our new apartment. i took the GRE while the movers hauled all of our crap up the 3 flights of stairs.

the carpet still has black spots all over it because our apartment complex wants to ruin my life or something. there are all sorts of things wrong with it. i can't even think of them all to tell you about them. not that you're all too keen to know. i've really got to stop complaining. things just seem so wrong right now. surely things will improve.

oh. the GRE. badnewsbears. i would like to take this moment to state that i generally do very well on tests. i was a national merit commended scholar, after all. lol. but really. i'm good at tests, dammit. only i really sucked this one up. i mean it was bad. except for the writing portion, that was easy. and it's not that i did really awful on the verbal section, but i definitely didn't perform up to my usual standards. i just needed more time to memorize (re-memorize, i mean) the words. how annoying is that? ugh. and then there's the math. wow. you don't even want to know what i scored on the math. well, maybe you do, but that's too bad, because i'm not going to tell you. it was that bad. sigh. in my defense, i haven't had a math class since junior year of high school. which was over 7 years ago.

i feel so stinking sick tonight. oh wait, i have felt stinking sick nearly every night for the last almost 3 weeks. is it the awful food i've been eating? is it my mental well-being affecting my physical well-being? am i a hypochondriac? hard to say.

my paycheck for my job in new york STILL has not arrived. for the LOVE OF GOD. i am so broke it's not funny. my boss said they fed-exed it today. (stupid morons sent the 1st one to my queens address. THEN when i realized it wasn't being forwarded here, i asked them to send a new one. they did. they sent it to the queens address as well. HELLO. i don't LIVE there anymore. if i still LIVED there i would still be WORKING FOR YOU. am i the only one who sees the pure idiocy of this?)

my dear, sunshine-y friend saru-san has mentioned previously that he hates all people. i am in utter agreement. i hate everyone. every last one of them. why can't they just leave me alone? i'm a misanthrope.

i wish i had something witty to write about. bummer. one of these days i'll write about fun/exciting/interesting things and stop my bitching and moaning. it may be a while from now, but it will happen. i decree it.

please don't stop reading in the meantime.

blueavenue at 1:41 a.m.

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