December 03, 2004

one long thursday

ash:
you're not doin' anything wrong. anyone who posts their private thoughts on the internet isn't all too concerned w/them remaining private, if you ask me. =) well, there are probably a couple of people i know in REAL life who i wouldn't want to read my diary, but i doubt they'd ever find it. so have at it! enjoy! heh heh. but wait, don't go sending it to all our high school friends or anything. ok.

anyway, let's see, what to say...
oh, so i tracked down my music teacher from elementary school and told her thanks for basically changing my life! or at least for being a big influence in who i've become. she sent a pic of me in 1991 (4th or 5th grade?) next to a recent pic of me. check it out:

isn't that cute? it looks like i have some sort of beret on. hmm.
i don't remember much about that time in my life. in 5th grade this new girl came to our school. her name was jaqueline, and i was so jealous of her, because not only could she also sing (which made it so that i was no longer the only girl getting attention for singing), but she also had this long, flowing goddess blonde hair and she was more...ahem, developed than i was. lol. but anyway, man, i hated that girl. funny.

tonight i picked up my diploma from school. it was weird. i ran into a couple kids from the music school, and they were like, man, you're done! that's so cool. and i did feel kinda cool. and also not, cuz i've so not accomplished much of ANYthing in the last 6 months. great!

but i'm starting to work on getting my life together. so that's a start, right? i've just been wondering. what happened to me? i used to be the serious over-achiever. ever since high school i had my plate full at all times; always over-extending myself, doing everything i could to be involved in everything, to make the best grades, all that. what happened? when did i become so lazy? sometime in college, but WHY? can't figure it out.

i told my mom i'm not good at being an adult. i'm not. i'm not organized, i'm not on top of things. i'm just lost, all the time. lost.

i should really get to bed soon. god, i still have so many things to do. i don't know WHAT i'm gonna do if i really get my car back saturday. crap my pants or something. well, not really. i'll just drive around all day, luxuriating in my little ol' silver '98 hyundai elantra. AH.

c'est incroyable, n'est pas?

blueavenue at 1:46 a.m.

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