April 19, 2004

worries, complaints

well, the fear of life after college is starting to set in. it was bound to happen eventually. k said it's good. now that i'm worried about it, i'll start planning ahead of time. this seems true. so pretty soon i'm gonna have to figure out what i'm going to do to pay the bills. should be interesting considering my only marketable skill is typing fast. which i'm pretty sure everyone can do these days, what with all the practice on AOL instant messenger. after all, that's where i learned. i don't know my exact speed, but i'm pretty darn fast. anyway, i'm thinking of auditioning for disneyworld. they'll be here may 3, which gives me a couple of weeks, i think. only i don't have a recent headshot, which could be a problem. tricky. hadn't thought of that. my old one has the me with really short hair, and now it's to my shoulders (almost). well, who knows. maybe i'll figure something out. i don't even have a working camera to take a snapshot. hmm...

on a happier note, i've really been writing lately. i got inspired or something. i already sent in an essay for possible publication, and i've got a really good story in the works. well the idea is really good, anyway. you never know how it will turn out.

i've still got to take defensive driving on the internet, take my piano proficiency test to graduate, write a 10-page paper for latino literature, take finals, and...there are a few other short papers and tests thrown in there somewhere. plus the carnegie hall concert and my mom's visit are creeping up really fast. something to look forward to, except it'll be right before finals and my mind is gonna be freaking out. crap. there's a lot overloading my brain right now. sometimes i have trouble taking things "one day at a time." i need to make a mini-disc for tomorrow to relax me. but i think i have a paper due for feminism tomorrow that i completely forgot about. it could be due wednesday, but either way. what to do, what to do...

i wonder what things would be like if i had never majored in music. or if i had never gone to baylor, had gone to tcu instead. but if i hadn't majored in music i probably wouldn't have gone to either of them. i always tell people "things happen for a reason," but that just doesn't seem true anymore. i don't know why. it seems like just something to make you feel better about all the crappy things going on. because there are certain things that happen that could not possibly have a good reason for happening, not at all, no matter how anyone looks at it. like my ex-roomie getting really sick and having a crazy operation and losing like 30 pounds in the process. but i hate when people say "why do bad things happen to good people" because everyone who says it thinks that he is the "good people" he's talking about, when in reality, he probably isn't really all that good. but if karma really did exist, would bad things happen to good people? doesn't really matter, does it? poop. i need to get some sleep, but i don't dadgum want to.

it's supposed to be 87 degrees tomorrow, and i am stoked!

blueavenue at 1:29 a.m.

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