July 31, 2003

the future's unclear

today was reflection day. both kristen and i were in it. mainly i've got no clue what i'm gonna do with myself after graduation. and though next june seems like a long time away, the last year has passed quicker than i can say "uhaul." so okay, i'll just get a job and go about my life. oh wait, there are no jobs to be got. okay i'll just move back to dallas and get a job (supposably there are plenty to be got there). oh wait, my lease here isn't up till march 2005! well, you think, why the heck did you sign such a freakin long lease?! well, i'll tell you a bit bout my last apartment in the most dangerous area of brooklyn. i was being followed home, harrassed, etc., not to mention the drugs being sold (disguised as bags of fritos) in the delis. it was a shame we had to leave, though, cuz the apartment was pretty nice, newly renovated, plus we had our own bedrooms, which never hurts. of course the radiator in kristen's room didn't work, so she had to sleep in my room, anyway, to avoid freezing to death. and the stove/oven didn't work till about 3 weeks after we moved in, cuz the landlord hadn't gotten the gas leak fixed. and paul's headlights got stolen in front of our house. okay so if i really think about it it's not a shame we had to leave at all. that place was awful. one of the low points of my adult life. not being welcome in your own neighborhood is never a good thing. but i digress. so we moved into paul's apartment temporarily until we could find a place to live that was SAFE. always a good thing. poor paul. and poor us, too. luckily i was housesitting in the west village for part of that time. (speaking of housesitting, now THAT'S a job. can i be a professional housesitter? do they have placement agencies for stuff like that? no?) so when this place came up, it was like a dream. the only catch was the two-year lease. but it was our only option. so here we are. it's a great house though, a great neighborhood. so anyway, the point is i'm kinda stuck here for a while. and i'm worried about being employed 10 months from now. isn't there something from the bible that says something about only worrying about today? not tomorrow, just today? or something? well. i can't help but worry. it's in my blood.

blueavenue at 1:20 a.m.

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