January 12, 2005

He Just Wasn't That Into Me. Stupid Mother F-er.

written yesterday (1/11/05) at 3:28 pm--

Wow. About an hour to go at work, and then I'm off to the gyno. Lol. Today the other new girl and I have been sitting at computers all day, listening to/watching the training cd-rom tutorial. I've never been so sleepy because of computers in my life! Seriously. Shoot me. I keep trying revive myself by drinking sips of diet coke w/lemon or by taking a 'potty break,' but within 10 minutes i'm nodding off again. However, it's actually quite a blessing that I didn't have to stand all day. Ahhh...my poor feet after yesterday. The pain I felt last night after 8 hours on my feet reminded me why I quit my retail job just 3 weeks after moving to New York. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. Just like with waiting tables. Pain. But you just learn to deal with it. Hey, remember how I'm a lazy bum? Well, it's proving quite difficult to maintain that description while working full-time. Tricky.

Enough about that (I'm writing this today, by the way). So last night I finished reading "He's Just Not That Into You." I am a changed woman. I mean it. I see things so differently, and it the greatest feeling EVER. I suddenly feel like I have control, which is just a big yay. I am the girl who is always chasing after the unchaseable. The guys who will never be caught. It's a subconscious thing, I think: picking the unattainable ones repeatedly, because I know there's no chance of really getting hurt. Pathetic, yes. But. Now I realize (all of a sudden, what?) that it was NEVER ME. I always said to myself, "What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? Why can't I get him to like me?" When it was NEVER ME. sigh. breath of relief. Seriously. I know that is a pretty basic conclusion, but for some reason, I never could quite believe that before. Suddenly I find myself realizing how stupid some of those unattainable guys must BE for them NOT to like me. I mean, really. (This is turning out to be quite the little confessional here, I'm almost embarrassed. But not.) So anyway, the point is: read this book. It is great and honest and funny and honest and every woman ever should read it. Even if you're in a happy, committed relationship and will never be in the dating pool again. Because you will love it anyway. Ah. I feel great. Except I'm about to pass out from tiredom. (Like boredom, but tired; is that a word?) Sigh. I REALLY am falling asleep.

P.S. I had the worst morning ever, what with two buses leaving without me, the second of which I'm pretty sure was on purpose. I'm not sure what I did, exactly, to deserve a morning like the morning I had, but nonetheless. There I was. On the corner of the road, crying because the bus left (and other reasons, of course, but the a**hole bus driver triggered it) me behind. What a day. I don't need to get into the rest of it because none of it matters anymore, anyway. I just had a shitty morning.

I started a new book today called "Elroy Nights" by Frederick Barthelme. It's good so far, though I've only read 2 chapters. Here are some quotes, because you know how I love quotes:

"Things change. What you want becomes something you can't imagine having wanted, and instead you have THIS, suddenly and startlingly not at all what you sought."

"But then her pal had to declare his love," Freddie said. "Man, there is nothing I hate more than some hopeless creep declaring his love. I mean, keep it to yourself."
"Amen in a bottle," Winter said.

Heh. I think I'm gonna like this book. I also think it's extremely bedtime para Gayla. Have I mentioned that I'm half Mexican, and I'm one of maybe 2 people at work who doesn't speak Spanish? OK GOOD.

blueavenue at 11:55 p.m.

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