January 26, 2005

this is for you, p3.

yes, you. p3, c/o girls-suck. now don't be confused, kids: they've got a new site, and you'll be redirected moments after clicking. enjoy.

so yeah. today was one of those odd kinds of days where you're feeling some kind of strong feeling, but you're not sure what is IS, exactly, and you're not sure WHY you're feeling it, exactly, either.

i'm hoping that someone who reads this will have at least a foggy idea of what i'm talking about. but i was reading my book (Anne Lamott's Crooked Little Heart, which keeps getting better and better) on the bus on the way home from work tonight, and i looked out the window right as we drove into full-view of the Manhattan skyline right as these words played in my headphones:

And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
Still have hope
I'm gonna find my way home

and i happened to be reading a passage about death (i won't say more in case anyone reads this book, because you definitely should read it), and it was just somehow a very poignant, moving moment, in which i knew something big was inside of me, but what? i feel like some kind of weird new-age something or other, but i'm thinking it really felt that way at the time. lol. so anyway, yeah. it was one of those days. lol. what?

moving along, a few days ago i was leaving work, signing out in security, and one of the girls there told me that 'tommy the doorman' liked me. i was like, "i'm sorry, who?" she described him: young, italian, he's new too. still didn't ring any bells. i told her i didn't have the faintest idea who she was talking about.

next morning i'm signing in and this young, italian guy in a doorman uniform approaches me and says "are you Gayla?" and i'm like, "yeah. hi." it's tommy, obviously. and i definitely hadn't met him before. uh-huh. whatever. so anyway, later that day he came over to the front desk to talk to me for a while, and it was fine, whatever, maybe a little awkward, but that could've been because some of our co-workers were leering at the situation, which i assume was pretty blumin' obvious. so anyway (i say that a lot, don't i?), i was leaving work that night when this other doorman, a young slovakian guy, said to me "my friend wants me to get your number." ok see, my first reaction to this should have been a resounding "hell no." or worse. but i was caught REALLY off guard, ok. not that that excuses my poor judgment and lack of on-my-feet-thinking. but the point is, i gave the dumb kid my number. dammitalltohell.
so now if this guy calls me i'm gonna have to tell him--

i don't wanna date him because:

1. um, i'm not in high school anymore, and guys who don't have the balls to ask me for my number themselves have no reason to bother calling me.
2. i've done the 'sure, i can date a co-worker, it'll be fine' thing, and it didn't work. at all.
and 3. i'm just really annoyed that he actually called the slovakian kid from the train station to ask HIM to ask ME for my number. i mean really. am i being unreasonable? the guy is friggin' 26 years old.

ok, so i'm done ranting now. for now.

tonight at work we were talking about painting because we all (or at least 3 of us who worked tonight) paint or have painted in the past, and AE Friedman's is having a sale on acrylics. anyway, someone brought up stars and moons, and it reminded me of an old song by Audra McDonald that i used to listen to on repeat for about 3 months. lol. it was right before i moved to NYC, and i was completely obsessed with this song. it's actually composed by jason robert brown, part of the musical "Songs for a New World." it's a great song. i'm about to download it for my listening/reminiscing pleasure.

and on that note, i'm outta hurra. think i'll watch Before Sunset before i hit the sack, so i can turn it in tomorrow. or maybe read some more. or maybe both.

from "Let Go," by Frou Frou:

So let go
Jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for?
It's alright,
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown.

blueavenue at 11:41 p.m.

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