March 24, 2005

two-fer, for all you lucky bastards.

3.17.05

last night kristen and i talked about music and our need to do it. we talked about doing a christian duet. (side-note: 1. k's a really good singer, in case i never mentioned that. 2. don't think i ever mentioned being a christian, but that's because i'm not one of those "religious" people. i have my beliefs, you've got yours, and that's the way i like it. plus, i've got my own reservations and doubts, just like everyone else. just thought i should clarify a little. ha.) i think we'd be a pretty big success, or at least have a pretty good chance. not like trying to start off in the secular industry, which is just a big joke. since while we've been offered, neither of us has the money to hire sony's writers to write songs for us. damn.

to be honest, i wouldn't want to do pop music anyway. i find it generally pretty annoying. i'm actually starting to get into classic rock. it's way better than the current stuff. like WAY. i mean, if you trace music from its start, like waaaay back, even from like

ancient drone--->
chant--->
motet--->
baroque--->
renaissance--->
classical--->
romantic--->
modern (impressionism/minimalism/schoenberg's 12-tone scale)

not to mention the whole move from like
slave music/spirituals (which i wrote a huge paper on way back in the day)--->
folk music (i.e. stephen foster)--->
ragtime--->
broadway musical--->
jazz, standards--->
all the shit we have now

(or something along those lines)

i mean, it's just embarrassing, isn't it? (aren't things supposed to improve over time?) i mean, even not counting the geniuses like mozart and beethoven (and debussy). just compare sheryl crow, to say, fats domino. or the gershwins. ok, actually, don't compare them; there's no need--i know i'm right. i'd rather listen to oldies anyday than to gwen stefani, thinking she's really creative and cool for redoing a song from fiddler on the roof, when really she's just annoying. OK, i'm being mean now. i know i wrote an entry a long time ago about my musical snobishness. (i'm a huge bitch when it comes to music: sorry.)

...

3.21.05 (on the train)

i just added up my checks that i need to deposit, added that amount to what's currently in the bank, and then subtracted my rent. i got an instant, throbbing headache in my left temple. i'm learning that money can do that to you--BAP! affect you suddenly, like a swift kick in the stomach. i can't stand the fact that i still depend on my parents for things. it makes me angry at myself, and sick to my stomach, and ashamed.

i mean, i handle most things now, but let's face it: dad still helps me out a lot: car insurance, gas money (only about $20-30/month; i rarely drive), cell phone bill, and some meals here and there. if i had to pay all those things myself, i actually couldn't. that's sad. and scary. and annoying as shit. and shit is anNOYing. poop, poop is good. but shit is definitely shit. derogatory. what the hell am i talking about?

i really wish jeff buckley was still alive because if he was, i could track him down and beg him/manipulate him/use whatever force necessary to get him to marry me. or at least sing me a song. =) ah. he is so...mmm...his music, his voice--they just make me feel so good.

on a completely different note, those new garnier fructis ads with a girl whose hair is 9 feet long and tied in knots (rapunzel rip-off much?) is just disturbing. does anyone want to imagine her hair being freaking pulled like a game of tug-o-war? i think not.

the only (and i mean ONLY) good thing about getting off work so late is that the subway is so empty. i mean, enough people that i don't feel nervous and alone, but empty enough that it's very calming, and i can put up my feet on the seat in front of me and not offend anyone, and no one stares like during the day, when it's kind of crowded and they can't really help it.

writing now:

well damn. i just tried to get some pics from my cell phone's camera onto the internet so i could post 'em here, but i wasn't signed up for multimedia messaging. so i signed up, but that may take 72 hours to process. tricky. but hopefully then i'll be able to post some pics.

today after lunch (at chili's-big yay), i was leaving the parking lot when two huge ducks started to cross in front of my car. it was the funniest thing i've ever seen. i died laughing, watching their little bodies wobble, waddle, walkle, wibble, whatever across the parking lot, and i didn't stop for 5 minutes. i tried to snap some quick pics on my cell phone, but they were too far away i think. ah well. it was enjoyable, for sure.

i have a lot going on in my brain today. it was one of those days. ya know, where you feel fat and ugly and greasy and hairy and singed and quirky and poopy and sad and scared and very, most definitely, more than anything, directionless. i hate those days. luckily, it's technically over.

you know what my problem is? i want everyone to like me. dammit. i still didn't paint my bedroom, but i did buy a vacuum cleaner. HA. a start, i guess. i should really get to bed. it's earlier than 4 am for like the first time in...i dunno...a long time. maybe that means i'll wake up before noon tomorrow. ? maybe? grrlsthe! pooft!

you know, i think this entry was actually a THREE-fer. WHOO. aren't ya'll just priv-uh-LIDGED today.
uh yeah. on that note.

blueavenue at 12:41 a.m.

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