February 17, 2006

and you thought i was dead. HA!

(i just realized i can't make this a private entry because i'm not a freaking gold member anymore. that's hilarious. oh well, i'm not erasing anything i wrote, so i hope it's not offensive, and i hope no one who is related to me is reading this. hahahah!)

so anyway. the site i've been writing on since i left diaryland is *ahem* down for *ahem* god knows how long. so here i am, tail between my legs, crawling back for what will hopefully be a short time. if i do end up staying, you can bet your sweet bottom i'll be changing my username. yes ma'am. moving on.

things are good up in hurra. in my hood. you get it.

this was the 1st V-day EVER i've ever had someone to share it with, so i tried not to be so cynical about it. go me. look how openminded and loving i am. it's amazing and stuff.

C sorta spilled his guts to me in the card he gave me, and i sorta almost cried. but don't tell HIM that. =) i didn't, and that's what's important.

it's been 4 months already, as of the 13th. in some ways it seems like it's been way longer than that. but i can hardly believe i've been back in texas for almost 7 months. JESUS, that's scary. i think about new york a lot more than i like to admit. i try not to talk about it to C too much. i tell myself the reason i came back to texas was to meet C. if it wasn't for him, i'd probably be making plans to leave already, if not already gone. maybe not even to new york, cuz god knows i couldn't afford to move back up there right now. but somewhere. the office environment is not for me. i really think it's a total blessing that i ended up with two ladies as co-workers who i really enjoy having conversations with. if i didn't have them to talk to at work, i really think i would just HATE it. it's so hard that work comprises so much of our lives, isn't it? i don't know what to think about it. growing up Baptist, the idea of "eternity" always scared the shit out of me. heaven or not, the human mind just can't fathom such an idea. it just isn't logical. everything ends. but anyway, that's what i hate so much about work. if i don't make some kind of decision to send me in another direction of some sort, this is the direction in which i will continue indefinitely. SCARY. not to mention this isn't really moving in ANY direction, it's more like remaining stationary. really. there's not a whole lot i can do from where i am right now. but anyway, i'm coping ok with work right now. even though i'm whining on endlessly about it right now. ha.

on a happier note, i've been asked to perform in our annual fundraiser this april. when i say "our," i mean the new theatre company i just got into. SO. i'll be in 2 group songs and 1 duet. so i get a little show-off time with the duet, whoo. only it's kind of a bummer because they haven't heart my belt, so i got put on a song that's very "pretty," but not exciting. oh well. i can do pretty. pretty is really what i'm best at, but sometimes you want to just be able to freaking sing your ass off, and that's always fun for me, because i'm so tiny that people are always shocked the first time. it's fun to see the shock on their faces is my point. but oh well, there will be other chances. so that is exciting, because i was thinking i was only going to end up doing the chorus of freaking Oklahoma! (no offense lap, i know you love that show, lol.) so yeah. whee. i start rehearsals march 20th. GET. EXCITED. or something. only i'm gonna be fuh-reaking tired during rehearsals because they go from 7:30 to 10:30 on mondays and wednesdays. work is gonna SUCK for that month. luckily, it's only for 4 weeks. phew. but yeah. sadly, we don't get paid for this one because--ah HA!--it's a *fundraiser.* heh.

this is a long-ass entry, eh? wow. if you're reading this, hi and hello, i have missed you so! (really, i'm not being a smart-ass.) (i really do miss you.)

i lovelovelove you all and hope you're doing well, all of ya!

ok, off to watch HGTV. or maybe the olympics. when is the singles figure skating, anyway? i wanna see sasha cohen. she's damn cute.

peace out.

blueavenue at 7:37 p.m.

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