August 21, 2004

"i had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove..."

why am i so closed off emotionally?

i don't know.

why can't i get past it and just be o.k. with feeling vulnerable from time to time?

i don't know.

it's really too bad, because i would be a much better actor.

i hate it when i use the word actor to not describe myself (as in, "i wouldn't really call myself an actor; i'm really just a singer who acts sometimes") and the person i'm talking to says, "actress, not actor; you're a woman. actress." i hate that. don't you think that i KNOW that i am a woman? don't you think that if i wanted to call myself (or not call myself) an actress, i would have done so? because i would have. whatever it is i want to do, i'll do it. don't you worry.

(this, incidentally, makes me an equality feminist--i believe men and woman should be given the same rights and opportunities despite their genetic and anatomical differences. i do NOT believe women should be given any special privileges/exceptions. thankyouverymuch. hence, the whole "P.C." thing is a waste of breath to me.)

why do people insist on correcting everyone else all the time? and another question i've been asking myself a lot frequently: why is everyone on a power trip all the time? i mean, come on. what's everyone's problem? why ya gotta be crappin' on everyone else all the time to make yourself feel powerful/important/bigger? it's quite childish and discouraging about the human race, to tell the truth.

hang on, i have to pull the car all the way into the driveway. we were going to run out to andrew's house to say "hi" to everyone (it's Poker Night), but we decided to just go to bed instead. hence, the car isn't pulled fully into the drive. right back.

all done.

tonight in the car on the way to on the border i made K listen to jeff buckley's 'hallelujah.' heh. she never likes the same music i do. like, not ever. unless it's celine dion or n'sync. heh. funny. right now i'm listening to the soundtrack for romeo+juliet. i bought this cd like a way long time ago. in high school. back in the day, before there was Leo and Kate. there was Leo and Claire. remember? do you remember? because i do.

wow. i haven't heard this album in for-freaking-ever. brings back memories. when we were juniors in high school, K and I were in charge of the slide show for Choir at the end of the year. we had the song "Local God" on the soundtrack for the slide show, and we timed it to land on a picture of this popular, annoying, full of himself guy right on the lyrics "you look so stupid." it was absolutely priceless. i've never heard a large group of people laugh so hard at something i was responsible for. yay. i love making people laugh. makes me feel powerful. see? EVERYONE is on a power trip. even me!

blueavenue at 1:17 a.m.

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